The Iceberg Effect - Part 1: Why You're Not Thriving (Yet)
- Victor Montgomery
- Apr 21
- 3 min read
Part of the Thrive in 25 Series – Table for Two Executive Coaching
You’ve done all the things.
You’ve downloaded the app, color-coded your calendar, committed to 30 days of morning routines, and maybe even joined the accountability group.
And still, somehow, you find yourself right back where you started—exhausted, frustrated, or stuck in familiar patterns.
You might start to think:
“Maybe I’m just not disciplined enough.”
“Maybe this is just who I am.”
But the truth is much deeper—and more freeing.
You're not failing.
You’re just trying to change from the outside in instead of the inside out.
And that’s where the Iceberg Effect comes in.
The Iceberg Model: A Deeper View of You
Think of your life and leadership like an iceberg.
The top 10%—what’s visible above the surface—is what the world sees: your behaviors, results, goals, and actions.
The bottom 90%—beneath the surface—is what actually drives all of that: your beliefs, values, fears, identity, mindset, and lived experiences.
And here's the problem:
Most of us are trying to change only the tip of the iceberg.
What We Usually Try to Change
Here’s what’s above the waterline:
Habits
Time management
Performance metrics
Task lists
Goals
These are important—but they’re just outputs. They don’t explain why you keep hitting the same ceiling or self-sabotaging.
What’s Actually Driving Behavior
Underneath the surface is where the real work lies:
Core beliefs (“I’m not good enough,” “Success is dangerous,” “People can’t be trusted”)
Identity narratives (“I’m the helper,” “I’m always behind,” “I’m the fixer”)
Fear-based scripts (“If I slow down, I’ll be replaced.” “If I speak up, I’ll be rejected.”)
Unconscious loyalties (“I can’t do better than my family.” “I shouldn’t want more.”)
Outdated rules (“Work has to be hard.” “Rest is earned.”)
These invisible scripts are powerful.They often formed early in life. They’re reinforced by culture. And they operate like autopilot.
If your identity says “I’m not worthy of peace”, you will unconsciously create chaos.
If your belief is “Success equals burnout”, then every time you get ahead, your system will try to slow you down.
The Real Reason You’re Not Thriving
So why aren’t you thriving—yet?
Because you're using surface-level tools to solve subterranean issues.
You’re trying to upgrade your calendar...When what you really need to upgrade is your identity.
You’re setting goals around productivity...When your deeper need is belonging, purpose, or peace.
And until those deeper parts are addressed, the surface will stay stuck.
Where Coaching Comes In
Coaching is the work of exploring and aligning your full iceberg—not just the visible part.
At Table for Two Executive Coaching, I work with clients to:
Identify limiting beliefs that are silently sabotaging progress
Explore the identity narratives underneath their behaviors
Align internal values with external goals
Uncover hidden fears so they can finally move forward without friction
Coaching creates a space where nothing has to be “fixed”—but everything can be explored.
It’s not just about productivity. It’s about wholeness.
A Real-Life Iceberg Example
One client came to me because she felt stuck in her leadership role. She had the title, the skills, the team—but couldn’t seem to step into her voice in key meetings.
At first, we talked strategy: meeting prep, confidence techniques, communication tools. All surface-level.
But as we dove beneath, she shared something powerful:
“I was always told growing up to stay in my lane. That speaking out meant I was being difficult.”
This wasn't a communication problem. It was an identity conflict.
She had to rewrite the belief that “Being direct = being a problem.”
Once we uncovered and reframed that belief, her energy shifted. She began speaking with clarity—and not just in meetings, but in her life.
Thrive from the Inside Out
Thriving in 2025 doesn’t mean doing more.
It means doing what actually fits—what aligns.
It means…
Releasing outdated stories that no longer serve you
Reclaiming a self-image that empowers your choices
Redefining success on your terms
Resting, not as a reward, but as a right
Leading from a place of wholeness, not hustle
When you align what's beneath the surface, everything above it flows with more clarity, confidence, and ease.
Ready to Dive Deeper?
If you’re ready to stop skimming the surface and finally work with your full self…
I’d love to connect.
👉 Book a chemistry session at Calendly
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👉 Let’s explore what’s beneath your surface—together.